sum of its parts
Poetry
Long, uneven nails that long to make a clean cut, for once (they are scared to draw blood / but yearn for it nonetheless / collecting dirt on their / underbellies for warmth / filth, as a replacement prevention precursor / to violence)
Skin like the sticky white strings on tangerine rind (peeled off / I wish I could say what’s left over / is worth devouring saving but I fear / it is only there to keep me alive [my brother who eats tangerines whole / has never known self cannibalism restraint / quite like this])
My hands are a piece (To which the other half does not exist / my fingers close around nothing and I hold it / like a lover, like a hostage with a gun pressed into their neck / “I’m doing this because I ???? you” / given a child who never learned how to love, find the length of the line between you and me)
A tongue that alchemizes (holding pathetically, desperately tightly / onto sweetness that lingers / and fermenting it into something sour and acidic / I spit it out like a viper / like a mother(???) bird into unsuspecting throats / go ahead and / swallow)
Eyes always turning away (trying, in vain / to deny a truth that already / crawled out of its grave long ago / eyes are windows to the soul and / mine shy from the light / like shadows skittering across unevenly paved streets / staring is rude but when i turn away i am still looking)
The lines of my palms (predict unrequited love(s) and / burnt out gifted kid syndrome and / early death at 17 / so forgive me / for spending every day either / trying to die / or acting like I already am / this is what you are meant to be, they whisper and / i let them place these words into my trembling hands / let them tighten my fists / until lines are driven into my palms)
Lungs, too loud (With every exhale / I feel like something is being stolen / from me / sweet, hot breaths, sticky, like / glue stretched between once-pinched fingers / it clings to everything i breathe on, self-made / strings of fate / chaining tethering you to me)
A heart (No)
A heart? (No)
A h–
This body does not want to be here / this body is halfway out the exit / this body is hiding underneath the covers, testing the limits of their oxygen supply / this body is curled up in the corner of its bathroom, calling for its mother / this body is curled up in the corner of its bathroom, hiding from its mother / this body is halfway out the exit / this body is sick / this body is rotting / this body is in love / this body is screaming / I / I / I am not
body I am
Nails + skin + hands + tongue + eyes + palms + lungs + heart ≠ body ≠ myself